Two hours under a tree at midnight.
Birds are the enemy. They sit on their perch looking for clean cars and then once they observe the owner walking away it’s time to make it rain (not in a good way). Pray to your favorite deity that you didn’t park near a Tex-Mex restaurant because your car would be covered in red and black splotches instead of white. It doesn’t matter the time of day, these birds will poop on your car. I parked in downtown Austin for two hours between 10:00 PM and midnight on a freezing Friday night. It had to have been around 40 degree Fahrenheit. You’d think that given the weather and time of day that these birds would probably rather be in Florida or sleeping, but nope! They’re just as alive as Sixth Street on a Friday night! I come back with my car covered with bird poop. Oh how I wish I had a gun so I could shoot these birds, but given my aim, people should be thankful I don’t own a gun. This called for an emergency car wash! I have not had to do an emergency car wash in the middle of the night in years. Thank goodness for 24-hour DIY car washes! Popped some quarters in and some brushing and rinsing later, it’s good as new!
I swear birds are just waiting to poop on cars. Especially at Wal-Mart. I saw a poor Chevy Lumina covered with birds and bird poop. The driver had parked away from the store in the area where nice cars park (you know, towards the end of the parking isle). It was the only car parked within a 100 foot radius. It was like an island of birds and poop within 20 feet of the car. Yeah, they know they’ve struck satisfaction against the man. I’m sure they don’t just have a hatred against Chevy Luminas like man. The birds don’t discriminate against make. They’re just dicks. Damn, I hate birds.
You can’t park there!
The other day I went to a meetup and I parked at this corner (pictured above). There was an opening where the Jeep was parked and I was thinking to myself “Sweet! I’ll have an easy escape route when I leave!” After the event was over, I walked back to my car to see a car parked where the Camry was parked. Seriously? The “No parking” sign indicating no parking from the sign to the street corner wasn’t your first clue that you shouldn’t be parking there? Now my easy escape route has been foiled! I hate people.
Parallel parking by touch
It’s not a matter of if your car will receive battle wounds, it’s a matter of when it will get battle wounds. Parallel parking in the city is always a game of Russian Roulette. It’s nice that the city paints lines to delineate spaces, but at the end of the night, the lines mean nothing. The streets become a free-for-all with everybody trying to find a parking spot. Eventually, cars will fill up every available space even if the space is semi-legal. It’s never fun to come back to your car with about six inches of space between bumpers and a block rated for 10 cars has 15 cars parked. Doesn’t help that everyone is tired and just wants to go home so it’s a game of bumper tag to get out. *le sigh*
I heard on the radio that the city is adding more reverse angle parking. I don’t think I’ve seen this before, but the idea seems good. Too bad people can’t seem too park normally in the first place so trying to park backwards will be quite the sight. I’m waiting until somebody backs into a car with their truck or SUV.
Here is a video of a parking duel. You can see the person in the red car attempts to back into the parking space and then some jerk in the white car comes in to steal it. Instead of getting out and confronting the driver of the white car, the driver of the red car just casually backs into the spot. Now I’m thinking, how are they going to get out? The twist: the red car is a convertible! Even bigger twist: the driver of the red car is an Asian woman! Breaking stereotypes and having an exit strategy? Win!
$835 Parking Ticket Leaves Woman Furious
To sum it up, this woman got a parking ticket for parking her Escalade on the grass at the park. After watching the video, I don’t have any sympathy for her. While she does use her SUV to go “off-road”, it just doesn’t make sense as to why she thinks it’s acceptable to park on the grass. As if the signs and a red curb wasn’t a big enough clue. Oh, the sign says don’t park on the grass, but it’s over there? Give me a fkn break. The “grass” applies to all the grass in the park. Just because there’s no sign where you parked doesn’t mean it’s OK to anchor your behemoth there. It is a public park, not your redneck neighbor’s lawn and discount junkyard. Kids play there and the grass is maintained with tax dollars. Like we need more trucks leaking oil and starting wildfires. Like the stereotypical suburban woman, she thinks it’s an outrage that she can’t park her ginormous SUV where she damn pleases. The parks & recs guy has a smug tone knowing that justice has been served. I applaud them for giving her the ticket.
This is a common occurrence at most supermarkets: someone waiting for another person to vacate a parking stall. Why has it become socially acceptable to do this? It is irritating and wastes people’s time and gas. I see it all the time. Someone driving around will see a family walk out to their minivan with a shopping cart full of groceries. The person wants the spot so they wait patiently for the family to load up. The family isn’t rushing so the process takes an eternity. At this point traffic in the aisle has come to a standstill for this lady in an Avalon with her blinker on.
The rage meter is inching up due to the fact that this spot isn’t even prime real estate. It’s smack dab in the middle of the lot. To make matters worse, the aisles are one-way so there isn’t enough room to drive around the blockade. People who have had enough and have an exit strategy decided to back-up and go down another aisle. Smart move. I follow suit and back down the aisle to go to another aisle. There I get stuck behind another offender of the blink-and-wait. Seriously?! Ugh, screw it, I need the exercise. I end up settling on a parking space at the end of the lot because I need my box of chicken stuffing now!
This is a grocery store, not the airport. No spot is worth waiting more than 10 seconds for. If that person just got into their car, and they’ve started backing out of a parking spot then fair enough. If they just walked out of the store, and you’re following them to their car then GTFO!
Terrible parking spot
The parking situation at work is terrible. The lines for the parking spaces are so faded that you’d need a UV spectrometer to find the parking spaces. Coupled with no assigned parking spaces, the parking situation is a free-for-all. The only way to know that there are parking spaces are the cement blocks for the parking stall. The cement blocks are just as wide as a car, but not much wider. Since the blocks are the only metric for figuring out where to park, it just becomes a parking lot full of terrible parking.
Lately there has been a Ford Exploder parked at the end of the line of spaces in front of the building. It is a terrible parking spot for an SUV because traffic is coming up the aisle to make a 90 degree turn at the point where the SUV is parked. Since traffic is two-way in the lot, if I’m coming up to make a right turn into the aisle, I cannot see around this SUV. One time I was rushing back to work after lunch and I came up to make a turn into the parking aisle and this minivan was coming up the aisle at the same time. We could not see each other and I ended up slamming my brakes and locking all four wheels into a skid due to the loose asphalt. I came to a stop within inches of hitting this van.
SUVs should have their own parking area like compact cars so not to annoy regular car drivers. As if it’s not enough they block the view when backing out of a parking spot, but also when navigating around the parking lot. Banish the SUVs to the dark side of the lot!
My car needs wash! GTFO!
Today I went to get gas and the machine asked if I wanted a car wash. Sure, sign me up! I haven’t washed my car in days! So I drive around and there is a landscaping truck and trailer parked in front of the car wash. I don’t know why I thought that the car wash was under maintenance, but I pulled into a parking stall to ask the guys what’s up. Apparently they just drove in to use the air machine. Um, WTF? You just parked in front of the entrance to the car wash to air up your tires? Looks like it was going to be a while as the machine wasn’t working correctly for them and they had a couple flats on the trailer. I was upset, but I just said “No biggie” and left. Seriously, the sign that reads “Car Wash Entrance” wasn’t a big or obvious enough clue that you shouldn’t park there?