Tag Archives: turn signals

Tailgating in the right lane

Coming home this afternoon I encountered some jerk in a Grand Prix. I was accelerating in the middle lane to the speed limit of 50 MPH and I guess this dude was doing the same. I planned on merging over after I overtook him, but I had to make a premature lane departure due to some idiot in a Toyota Echo who failed to understand how to make a lane change. So here I am doing 50 in the right lane and this asshole in the Grand Prix feels the need to tailgate me. I need to make a right-hand turn into my apartment complex, but there is no dedicated turn lane so I must make a right turn from the thru lane. I put on my blinker and he stays glued to my ass. I don’t bother slowing down until the last to see if he reacts. I get closer and then laid on my brakes locking up the wheels and then released the brakes to make the turn. Hmm, seems like you can stop sooner than me and can make the turn as fast as I can. Bravo. For the record, he stills tailgates my ass through the apartment parking lot, taunting me.

Stopping in Parking Lots

This is a common occurrence at most supermarkets: someone waiting for another person to vacate a parking stall. Why has it become socially acceptable to do this? It is irritating and wastes people’s time and gas. I see it all the time. Someone driving around will see a family walk out to their minivan with a shopping cart full of groceries. The person wants the spot so they wait patiently for the family to load up. The family isn’t rushing so the process takes an eternity. At this point traffic in the aisle has come to a standstill for this lady in an Avalon with her blinker on.

The rage meter is inching up due to the fact that this spot isn’t even prime real estate. It’s smack dab in the middle of the lot. To make matters worse, the aisles are one-way so there isn’t enough room to drive around the blockade. People who have had enough and have an exit strategy decided to back-up and go down another aisle. Smart move. I follow suit and back down the aisle to go to another aisle. There I get stuck behind another offender of the blink-and-wait. Seriously?! Ugh, screw it, I need the exercise. I end up settling on a parking space at the end of the lot because I need my box of chicken stuffing now!

This is a grocery store, not the airport. No spot is worth waiting more than 10 seconds for. If that person just got into their car, and they’ve started backing out of a parking spot then fair enough. If they just walked out of the store, and you’re following them to their car then GTFO!

Turn Signal Timing

There are people out there that use their turn signals. Unfortunately, some people don’t understand the timing of using it. If you’re going to use your turn signal, don’t leave on longer than you have to. I see people driving in the merge lane with their turn signal on for way too long. If you are going to merge, don’t turn on your turn signal until you’re ready to make your move! It creates anxiety when you have your turn signal on. It’s like how Schrodinger’s cat can be alive and dead due to the uncertainty. You’re signaling that you are merging, but you aren’t merging at all. I don’t know when you’re going to make your move, however, I have a feeling it’ll take days to complete the moveĀ  so I should, in theory, I can react fast enough.

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should

Why are you making a left?!

Why are you making a left?!

So whenever I go to FedEx I always encounter this. I am in the left lane heading north at 40 MPH when I come to this idiotic traffic light that meters traffic into a pair of churches across the street from each other. It doesn’t matter what time of day it is, there is always someone trying to make a left into either church. WHY?! Just because you can make a left doesn’t mean you should! Plan your route better so you can make a right turn! The traffic light doesn’t help either as the turns get activated and then turns into a yield-on-green where traffic just stops in the left lane while everyone and their moms are rushing by in the right lane.

The engineers could have timed this traffic light similar to another one down the same street where it allows one side of traffic to make lefts and straights while the opposite side has a red and then swaps for the opposite lane after a certain amount of time. This keeps traffic flowing safely. Obviously, this would be too good of a solution and we can’t have that in the government!

So cars build up in the left lane and the last person into the queue can escape by merging right when the right lane traffic clears. That is the winning move. Come up, see traffic stopped, and just jerk the wheel right, stomp on the gas, and hope there’s no cars in your way. Gotta do this swiftly and gracefully like a swan in heat. If you are unfortunate to get stuck in the left lane while everyone passes on the right, then let the flying spaghetti monster have mercy on your soul.

One-touch turn signals

Have you ever heard of this feature? A lot of new cars have this feature where you just tap the turn signal lever and it flashes the turn signal a few times. I don’t understand what it is trying to accomplish. Three blinks isn’t enough for a lane change. It isn’t going to make people start using their turn signal more. This feature has been on BMWs for years, and yet not a single BMW has been seen in the wild with turn signals on. It annoys people who do use their turn signals because if you hit it again to cancel it and it goes too far over then it flashes the other side. Is this just some “this is a kinda cool but serves no real purpose” feature that the engineers talked about in the break room of an automaker? And now there are aftermarket modules to add this “safety” feature to your broken-down hooptie. Yes, now you can be the only person with a Chevy Nova with somewhat functional turn signals. Congratulations on raising the resell value of your car 25 cents.